Questioning a Negative Connotation for a Pretty Word

Are you allergic to any medications? Please rate your pain from 1 to 10. How do you feel about that? When was the last time you ate? How are you today? How much do you weigh? Can you please describe your symptoms? Why do you feel that way? How long has this been going on? What's going on in your mind? How are your relationships? What medicines are you taking? Can you sleep at night?  What time would you like to schedule your next appointment? Are you happy? Can you verify your health insurance please? Can I get you anything? When did this start? Will you sign and initial here? What do you think is the cause? Can you take five deep breaths for me please?

One hundred and seventeen.

That's how many butterflying doctor appointments I've gone to in the past year. 

Questions Questions Questions

All they ask are butterflying questions.

Because fix me fix me fix me fix me fix me.

"I just want my daughter back." 

That's what Mom says. 

"I just want my daughter back."

That's what she tells every doctor.

"I just want my daughter back."

I'm butterflying still here.

Answers Answers Answers

All we want is a butterflying answer.

Because apparently I'm broken broken broken broken broken.

"Do you think I'm broken?"

"No honey, not at all."

"Then why are you trying to fix me?"
"I just want my daughter back."

I'm butterflying still here.

I say "I'm okay." I say "I'm feeling better today." I say "I don't know." When in reality I'm lost in my mind. All the doctors ask the same questions in the same order and I know how to answer.

They are asking me these butterflying questions and I'm thinking about the movie Top Gun. How I started it last night and need to finish it. How I watch all the time because I like the song Danger Zone but I've never watched it with another person. Which leads to how in sixth grade I went to Alabama to go to the NASA Space Camp and one of the kids was convinced he saw Tom Cruise. And Space Camp was the first time I held hands with a boy and it was terrible and I don't remember his name but he looked like a mouse. Which leads to how I don't like holding hands but I really like this guy and we hold hands all the time and it's actually nice. Then I remember how my sister used to hold hands with her boyfriend under the table while we ate dinner and how that boyfriend turned out to be gay. At least they didn't get married and I wonder if he is happy now. Hopefully the guy I marry doesn't turn out to be gay. That would be unfortunate. Though I don't think I am going to get married. Which obviously leads to cats because if I don't get married I need lots of cats. I don't really like cats. So I should probably get married. Which leads to Seinfeld. How Kramar and Elaine make a deal that they will get married in fifty years if they aren't married and Kramar says: "We're engaged!" like the happiest guy in the world. 

I start to laugh out loud because that is really a funny episode. The doctor looks at me odd. The question he asked doesn't go well with me laughing. I wonder what he is writing on my chart. Something about me being delusional because Sick people aren't supposed to be happy.

Butterfly you, doctor.