I'm a Liar and There's Nothing Compulsive About It

At 6:40 my alarm goes off. I tell it to go to hell.

Annnnd the lies begin. I don't want it to go to hell. I'm quite fond of the stupid thing.

At 6:40 I press snooze, telling myself that today I will curly my hair in record time, and today traffic will cease to exist.

Two lies. I've been awake for thirty seconds.

At 6:49, I convince myself that I'm not tired, I feel good, I like school, I love people, and I'm depressed I'm happy.

Five lies, just to get myself out of bed.

At 6:51, I put in the Gossamer vinyl. I professionally act like every freaking song doesn't remind me of him.

At 6:53, I stare in the mirror and pretend like I don't notice that my hair is still falling out, my nails are chipping off, and my skin has lost its pigment so when the doctor asks I can lie and say I'm getting better.

At 7:11 I finish up my hair and put my make up on. I force myself to believe it makes me look pretty.

At 7:13 I stand in front of the mirror and tell myself I'm not skinny enough.

At 7:14 I am still standing in front of the mirror and I tell myself I'm too skinny.

One of them is a lie and I don't know which.

At 7:15 I put on a shirt and act like I'm wearing it because it's my favorite shirt, not because I'm trying to impress the guy.

At 7:17 I put on that watch and pretend even though he gave it to me I don't think about him when I wear it.

At 7:17 I stop lying to myself for 12 seconds and put on a different watch. But then I act like this one doesn't remind me of him either.

At 7:20 my mom comes in and says a prayer. I say "amen" even though I didn't listen to a single word she said.

This lie bothers me the most.

At 7:22 my mom asks me if I am sleeping better. I say yes.

At 7:22 my mom asks me if I need lunch money. I say yes.

At 7:25 my dad says the same thing he has all my life: "Promise me you'll have a good day?" I smile while saying "of course" and I kiss him on the cheek. I've been lying for 18 years.

At 7:27 I pet my dog and tell him I love him more than anything.

I think I love my best friend more.

At 7:28 I grab a Western Family water bottle and walk out the door. For some reason I feel like I'm lying to Dasani.

At 7:33 I smile and wave in a car to pull in front of me, but as soon as they do I flip them off.

I'm a living breathing contradiction.

At 7:41 I parallel park and give myself a high five.

This parking job is crap. The worst. That high five was bull.

At 7:43 I pass her in the hall and tell her she looks cute.

At 7:44 he says hi so I ask how he is doing.

I don't give a damn how he is doing.

At 7:46 I sit down in class and tell the teacher I'm late because I almost ran over a pregnant raccoon.

At 7:51 you ask how I'm doing. I say fantastic.

I have been awake for one hour and eleven minutes.
It's not even eight in the morning.
I have lied 27 times.

I'm a Liar and There's Nothing Compulsive About It PLAYLIST: http://8tracks.com/herbrokenbehavior/i-m-a-liar-and-there-is-nothing-compulsive-about-it